Letterman: Liberty wearing a swine flu mask.The show invites Momar Kadafi to stay at the show, sleeping on the marquee and being a musical guest.Dick Cheney says “I’m a junkie.”Dave again talks quickly about being banned from the island where Obama and Oprah would be, then about parties his wife had to go to and then another story about a kid thinking Dave was his son’s grandfather.A dog dives into a pool outside as part of a competition. Top 10 ways to irritate Dick Cheney.Another diving dog.Howie Mandel talks about fist bumping and his OCD.Another diving dog jumps really far.They show Howie backstage eating chips since he was talking about that.Dave says they ran out of time for Rumer Willis.Dirty Projectors performs.
Conan: Conan steals a move from Jimmy Fallon by giving an audience member a cue card joke!But it was because the guy liked the joke a lot, not because it was bad.Disney Marvel characters: the Incredible Duck, Gooferine, Thingerella.Conan’s words spliced together to say he force feeds his children dozens of twinkies everyday for a Twinkie ad.A bust of Andy Richter to go outside made of a bag of soup and a dirty mop.Puppies dressed as cats returns.Conan announces the winner of the blow up my car contest.Norm McDonald reads purposely long bad jokes from a newspaper.Then he tells another long joke that purposely isn’t funny and shows a clip of him in Ice Road Toll Booth.ThomasHadenChurch tries to talk about and show pictures of his ranch but Norm interrupts him and he starts to get pissed at him.Pitbull performs.
Fallon: Jimmy talks about his vacation.Jimmy and Higgins train to be ball boys at the US Open stadium and act childish.Freestylin with The Roots.Rachel Maddow talks then makes some cocktails with Jimmy.Tommy Davidson talks then sings doing a Sammy Davis Jr impression.Jet performs.
Ferguson: The show is finally in HD!Craig opens with the Craig puppet then talks about the HD upgrade, new logo and how they got two new lights.He says Conan and Jimmy are going to be so upset about that.The show has an awesome new opening which has Craig singing the theme song in various spots around the city including rolling around in a fountain.Craig does the monologue checking if the usual pictures they use still work.The bondage boy holds up a sign for a Diner contest the show will be holding since they haven’t got graphics ready for HD yet.Craig talks more about the diner contest and returning from vacation.Craig reads emails.Emily Deschannel’s light goes out so Craig comes to sit next to her.Terry Crews talks about renewing his vows and his new movie.
Real Time: Just an interview show with Jay Z and Bill Moyers.New Rules: You don’t need to put the cap back on a water bottle everytime you sip it.Bright headlights need to stop.Matress ad has a couple sleeping in 69 position.CNN.com’s polls are bad.Don’t be surprised that college students are binge drinking.Mexican druglords need to stop the violence.
Conan: Megan Fox likes to kiss women so Conan says he is Tilda Swinton then compares his face to hers.La Bamba is in the Survivor promo.Weird how NBC showed a promo for a CBS show.An emmy award winning journalist asks a kid about pizza.Conan dunks Andy in a dunk booth in one shot in front of the NBC tour bus.More submissions for the blow up my car contest.Then Pender sings the usual song he sings this time about the Lexus car.Zoologist Nigel Marvin brings out reptiles including getting a big bloody scratch on the neck by a big lizard, bit by 2 non poisonous snakes, bringing out a 2 headed snake, a snake pooing on Conan’s desk and showing the world’s largest snake.DJ Qualls talks about trying to gain weight and other stories.Colbie Callait performs.
Letterman: Damn football delayed the show almost 30 minutes, I hate when that happens! Picture of Dave photoshopped onto a Walmart uniform.Biff drops a flashlight backstage. Memorable moments in presidential vacations: Abe Lincoln at six flags.After this Dave was talking to the producer Barbara about what bit to run next.Halloween II is actually Halloween II number 2.Dave makes fun of a guy in the audience who wore an MnM shirt to the show.Men and their Vegetables II and Alan gave a disclaimer that some in the audience vomited the last time they did this.Top 10 things on the show that have changed since 1993.Artie Lange talks about his 25 year old girlfriend, they show her backstage, talks about cursing on Joe Buck’s shoe and other topics.Todd Barry does standup.Imogeon Heap performs.
Letterman: Torture subjects had to listen to Regis singing Christmas tunes.Screaming girls for Ben Bernanke.Libyan dictator visiting turned into a sitcom opening theme.Regis falls asleep while Kelly is talking to him.Dave says he has now been banned from going to the island where Obama and Oprah will be.ESPN over analyzes Dave’s baseball swing, but think it was really good.Promo for Men and their Vegetables II.Top 10 signs you’re dealing with a Ben Bernanke imposter and the girls still scream or him.Rachael Ray talks about an injury.Andy Roddick talks about his girlfriend Brooklyn Decker and tennis.Then outside he serves tennis balls at 90-100 mph to Dave while Rachael Ray is the ball girl complete in the clothing for it.Mute Math performs.
Conan: Bits of Conan speaking spliced together to say after his wife argues with him he likes to drink absolute vodka as an ad for it.Conan’s mini-dose of joy has him bring out dogs dressed as cats.Conan talks to some young guy in the audience who wore a wool hat and sweater.Celebrity Survey.Mike Tyson talks about his documentary.Mentalist Keith Barry performs a trick with a book, for anyone who watched and since I posted this on a message board I’ll put how he did it right after this.Matisyahu performs.
How the mentalist did the trick:
There are two page 91s in the book, one where it belongs chronologically which was ripped out and one towards the back of the book. The book is made so that when the guy flips through the pages it will always stop at the page 91 towards the back of the book. Then when Conan looks through the book for page 91 he's a lot more likely to find the ripped out one where its supposed to be chronologically.
You can see the book is rigged to stop at page 91 because when he flips through the book quickly in the beginning to show the camera that the pages are different you can see the pages continuously flip until he gets to page 93 and then he lets them continuously flip some more. I probably saw page 93 because he allowed one more page to flip over and my eyes are too slow to see page 91 for the split second.
Letterman: Show starts with Dave and Regis sitting on the marquee smoking cigars. The Bernie Madoff out of jail countdown returns.The girls again scream for Ben Bernanke.Get to know Abdullah Abdullah.Obama read High, fat and crazy by Rush Limbaugh.Dave talks about Oprah yet again.Dave is in Inglorious Basterds as Hitler’s downstairs neighbor.Joe Grossman wants to wait behind Dave for the staff photo they’ll be taking after the show.Top 10 questions received by palm beach county authorities about the muck monster.Anne Heche talks about her kids.Joe Grossman returns again for the same reason.Jim Parsons talks about being nervous giving a commencement speech, about his emmy nomination and about Big Bang Theory.Care Bears on Fire perform.
Conan: Larry King and Kate Gossellin share an awkward silence.Conan got a white chocolate bust with bacon hair made of himself.When they moved it out during the break the head fell off, but they put it back together and put it on a ledge outside the studio.Conando has WWE’s Legacy, Great Kahli and Big Show come in and fight each other on behalf of Conan and his enemy.Then Andy comes in dressed in a goofy looking lucha libre outfit.Bradley Cooper talks about filming his movies.Jon Lovitz talks then plays the piano.Franz Ferdinand performs.
Letterman: Joe Biden in the Lincoln Memorial water.Mt Rushmore wearing visors.Girls in the audience scream for Ben Bernanke again.Inglorious Biscuits at KFC, free one for a nazi scalp.Presidents and Talk Show Hosts: Johnny Carson hits LBJ in the nuts with a tomahawk.Dave again talks about the Oprah and Obama meeting.Larry King’s show has bad audio issues while talking about Don Hewitt.Top 10 least popular things.Mary Louise Parker talks about a bug infestation and a picture of her skirt going up.Eugene Levy tells some long stories.Jet performs.
Conan: Fidel Castro dunking, skateboarding, and doing gymnastics.Brian McCann reports about a new drug border law and keeps getting shot.Conan visits some stores around the area including a porn studio where Andy is editing the videos.He also got an ugly looking and expensive sign from one of the stores.Quentin Tarantino talks about his movie.Mark Feurstein talks about the success of Royal Pains and naming his son after a soap actor.Smokey Robinson performs.
Letterman: Lincoln Memorial in the water.Clip of Fidel Castro falling.Cash for Clunkers will become Money for Monkeys.The old sneezing monkey.Quentin Tarantino’s Julie and Adolf has her cooking Hitler’s recipes.Dave says Obama, Oprah and him are all going to be at Martha’s Vineyard this weekend and Dave wants to join their dinner.Top 10 signs Obama needs a vacation.Vogue editor Anna Wintour.Mark Texeria talks then him and Dave hit some balls outside.
Conan: An old guy supposed to be Brett Favre comes out.Conan shows pictures of pennies with Abe Lincoln on them including one where he is naked posing for his picture.Conan talks to Brian McCann in Martha’s Vineyard who says he is talking to Obama, but it is actually Pierre Bernard.In the Year 3000, these jokes were really bad.Bill Maher talks about the controversy he had over him calling people in America stupid then he talks about Obama.Nick Cannon talks about how he met Mariah Carey, DJing at Obama’s inaugural ball and the judges on America’s Got Talent.Kings of Leon performs.
Real time:A preschool where all the kids have guns.Jay Leno is on the panel, but doesn’t say anything personal.Bill plays with Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman dolls making them say really stupid things.New Rules: “Either bury Michael Jackson’s body or send it out on that concert tour,” Govt bureacrats between you and your doctor will stop doctor’s like Michael Jackson’s, don’t be surprised money has cocaine on it, see if a woman is man if they pee standing up, move reply all button away from reply, you are wrong if you think America can do no wrong.
Letterman: Abe Lincoln left the Lincoln Memorial.Interactive medical care has you putting your body part on the screen then given a diagnosis.An invite to Sontomayor to visit a gavel store.Dave turns on the hose outside and might have sprayed a pregnant lady.Fun Facts.A guy interrupts Dave and says the cash for clunkers program has been extended to include tv shows.The pregnant woman complained and they gave her a free taxi, what a world.Top 10 signs you’re watching a bad war movie: “prisoner refuses to talk, but will twitter”.Christina Applegate talks about a trip and her show being canceled.Late Show of the Future is just Dave waving on August 24th.Patton Oswald does standup.Brendan Benson performs.
Daily Show: Jon goes through recent good and bad news about cash for clunkers and banks.The next two segments were Jon talking to a guest going over the specifics about the health care plan in a large document.Show's off for three weeks!
Letterman: Andy Dick on the dollar bill.An interactive graphic that has Bernie Madoff in his jailcell puckering up so you can kiss him.Mayor Bloomberg had a conference talking about raccoons has one leach onto his face.Footage of Regis and Larry King singing interrupts Dave and they do a split screen with it.Medical test to prove a woman is a man has a doctor whacking a guy’s crotch with a bat.Top 10 things overheard outside Afghanistan’s polling stations: “Can my goat vote?” “Hanging Chad?I just hanged a guy named Chad.”Dave talks to a staff member who does a reenactment of a conversation Dave had with another staff member about Colombia.Renee Zellwegger talks then her and Dave try to hit a piñata.Gary Mule Deer.
Daily Show: People comparing Obama to Hitler and Barney Frank disses one lady.Jon shows how the conservatives are using what they once called liberal actions such as attacking the president and liking protests.An Indian actor who made a movie about a Muslim who got detained at an airport is actually detained while promoting it.Aasif Mandvi wants to report on it, but Jon says it’s covered.Tim Gunn talks about Project Runway.John says tomorrow is the last show for 3 weeks!
Letterman: CBS News Special Report interrupts Dave saying Brett Favre has retired, then again to say he’s signed with the Harlem Globetrotters.A dollar bill has some actor’s mugshot on it.The universe in the 1920s has circular glasses and a top hat singing old tunes.Vick’s football knocks a penguin down into the ice.A woman in the audience told Dave that she knows a woman he dated in high school that is now a nun.Ken Burns wrote a letter about how awful Dave’s show is.Octomom gives birth to Danny Devito.Top 10 reasons Brett Favre came out of retirement.Mike Meyers talks about his toe breaking on a trip and Inglorious Basterds.Ken Burns talks about his new film about parks.
Regis: Not much to report here, but Regis mentioned that he and Dave Letterman filmed a bit on the Late Show's marquee philosophizing like the guys on Boston Legal do just like Regis mentioned he wanted to do when he was a guest on the show. He said they talked for 30 minutes! and he has no idea when or how it will air, or if it ever will. I hope they air this! Also the show has had female guest co-hosts from local stations this week, they are alright, but the guys were better.
Daily Show: Another guy gets saved from a foreign hostile country. Two guys bring assault rifles to an Obama health care rally. Wyatt Cenac is at the polls in an act of defiance. CNN has stupid segments like Just Sayin, What The, etc. The guest talks about marathon running. Jon checks in with Stephen who previews the rest of Jon’s show. Moment of Zen: a kid asks Wolf Blitzer why he’s called Wolf and after he says it’s his real name he asks is it because of the hair on your face.
Letterman: Michael Vick hits a cat out of a tree with a football. Tiger Woods on the mini golf course. The Obama death panel will feature the cast of Match Game. A crew member gives a stupid memory from Woodstock. Britney Spears in a bikini presents the Top 10 ways the country would be different if Britney Spears was president. These all sucked, but she was hot as hell. Donald Trump talks about his golf courses and his beauty pageants. Diane Kruger. Billy Currington performs.
Conan is in repeats for 1 week, Fallon and Ferguson for 2.
Daily Show: Usain Bolt sets a new 100m world record.A townhall debate with Barack Obama has him answering questions from people.Jon compares Obama’s indecisive to the Bush administration’s.News networks have problems with polls. David Cross talks about his book and being a jew.
Letterman: A guy’s cab melted.Michael Vick throws a football that knocks a bear out of a tree.Obama gets an echo from the Grand Canyon that tells him to keep the government out of his health care.Dave turns on the sprinkler outside and one guy stands under it so they give him a towel.Dave gives a lady in the audience Starbucks.Top 10 Tiger Woods excuses.A guy jumps over a hot dog cart outside.Quentin Tarantino talks about Inglorious Basterds.The same guy grabs a ball from on top of that cart then dunks it.Dave cooks with chef Eric Ripert.Robert Clay performs.
Real Time: Bill talks to Brad Pitt about a variety of topics including Brad rolling joints at a party.Ashton Kutcher is on the panel.Bill hosts a gameshow entitled American Death Panel where Bill goes through the diseases of three old people then decided whether they stay alive or die. The Real Time Real Reporter shows a video he taped from both a rally against universal health care and a medical bus giving people without health care, who were lined up since the night before, medical care in a stadium.It really worked well to show how crazy the people against health care are.New Rules: Don’t be surprised that Billy Mays was doing coke, someone who was at Woodstock has to admit it sucked, we shouldn’t be stuck on an idle plane for 5 hours, Miley Cyrus must pick either slutty or Christian virgin, don’t wait so long to give the medal of freedom, and Obama must give up golf.Then Bill rants about golf and how Obama should just be himself.
Conan: Andy says talking about asteroids is a waste of time then gets hit by the same one Tom Hanks was hit by.Conan talks to a fake redneck and a government official about their views on health care whom both give their pills to a crazy redneck.Triumph visits a dog hotel in LA and in the end shows some dog movies with new porn titles.Shaq talks about his cars and his new show then has a quick danceoff with Conan.Demetri Martin comes in on stilts.He shows a video of him surfing in NYC and getting bitten by a fake shark then shows some of his comedic drawings and talks about kissing a guy in the Woodstock movie.Jack Ingram performs with some of the band.
Jimmy: A good monologue joke: “Heidi Spencer said she has 20-30 orgasms a day from her husband Spencer Pratt, then she said orgasms are when you throw up in your mouth a little right?”Jimmy says tonight is their 100th episode and he won a bet with someone who said he would never make it this far, then out comes Robert Deniro, Jimmy’s first guest, with the cash!Jimmy writes thank you letters to people and things in the news, these jokes were really good this week!Jimmy shows a video from a dance group who made their own Jimmy Fallon dance song and performed a dance to it in a large group in a studio then he has them on the show to teach him the dance.Tracy Morgan talks his usual craziness including about the movie he’s working on, his book, his emmy nomination and his fish.Comic Neal Brennan does standup then chats with Jimmy about him saying “The Goods” with a weird face, introducing Jimmy to The Roots and Tracy talking about Star Wars at a movie pitch. Congrats to Jimmy on #100!
Ferguson: In the opening Craig apologizes to Liza Minelli then she comes out.Liza Minelli chats and Craig sits next to her on the couch.Egyptologist Dr. Kara Cooney.Liza Minelli performs.
Daily Show: Glenn Beck doesn’t want universal health care even though he criticized what we have back in 2008 when he got surgery.The old Bush members have a website to gather on and might soon reveal their secrets.Jon shows a video of Rod Blagovech at some event singing and introducing a Fabio impersonator.Rachel McAdams tries to explain her time traveling movie to Jon.
Conan: Graphic that shows an arrow from Clinton’s crotch moving up as his approval rating goes up.Footage of rabbis on a plane then Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane says he’s had enough of these rabbis on this plane.Missing bear is in Conan’s audience in glasses and a hat then says he’s not the bear and shows another one.Conan knocks down 40 Dominos pizza employees.Conan shows one video from the car contest.Conan’s tabloid moment has him at a trannie strip club.Robin Williams talks his usual craziness and about his heart.Piers Morgan talks about America’s Got Talent.All Time Low performs and then Conan mentions Les Paul’s death and shows a clip of him on the old show.Then finally the show ends with Conan and the guests filming promo spots.
Fallon: Jimmy looks through Audience member ipod playlists including illegally downloaded Roots songs.A bit where Jimmy brings down audience members to check what’s in their pockets and answer trivia questions about them.It included a pop up Ronald Regan head, who then also was dressed as Queen Elizabeth and then as astronaut who's head explodes when he removes his helmet.Seth Green talks about Robot Chicken.Tim Gunn talks about getting his start in style and Jimmy shows pictures of him in really bad style when he was young.Avenue Q performs The Internet is for Porn.
Ferguson: Craig hints that he taped this show in June, wow really long ago.During the emails Craig talks about their switch to HD and how they are airing pretaped shows this week and repeats the next two weeks so they can convert the studio to HD.I hope they have a new set!Craig plays a music artist called Brick Johnson in a Behind the Music video. Jon Cryer.
Daily Show: Obama holds a conference about the health care plan and since he’s there people love him.Fox News has people who complained on their show as guests.Video of John Oliver talking to a professor who teaches business ethics and then to a bunch of business students who wouldn’t sign a declaration of ethics.Then John brings in a former prison inmate to talk to them about it.The guest talks about something.
Conan: Footage edited together to make Obama say he’s going to pull the plug on grandma.The Microsoft Word paperclip shoots himself.A fake townhall protestor yells at Conan over nothing.Max’s son comes in to play the drums.La Bamba dressed in a gold and red suit talks about the Lexus car that is the prize in the car contest.Then Conan shows some of the videos of the clunker cars.One guy made a rap video.Gordon Ramsey talks to Conan for a little bit then they cook.B.J. Novak talks about filming his new movie with big stars and Tarantino.Sculptor Willard Wigan shows off his sculptures done in the head of a needle including an astronaut with flag, 4 Star Wars characters, Mad Hatter’s tea party and Bart with Homer Simpson, these were amazing.
Fallon: Jimmy does a fake health care plan conference.Miles, John Hamm, 2 band members and Jimmy read letters to back home.John Hamm talks about his emmy nominations, Mad Men and being on 30 Rock and SNL.Then he teaches Jimmy and Higgins some crappy dice game.Hugh Dancy talks about his collection of airport carpet pictures, weird.Kitty, Daisy and Lewis performs.
Daily Show: More news networks talk about the Obama health care plan.Then Larry Wilmore reports on whites becoming the minority and gives them tips.Bill stole the thunder from Hillary and when some lady in the Congo asked Hillary about Bill she flipped out on her.The guest talks about the economy.
Conan: Video of Sen. Spector saying “wait a minute” 12 times.Fake GM exec talks about the Chevy Volt.Then the same guy is the health deputy of Canada to talk about the death panel.Conan says he would like Paula Abdul on the show and shows off a bunch of things they will do to accommodate her drunkenness.Andy tries a chair that lets him lay upside down.Conan talks to motocross atheletes then they do their tricks outside.John Hamm talks about the celebrity softball game and being on 30 Rock.Cobra Starship performs Good Girls Go Bad plus Estelle minus Leighton Meester, aw.Estelle kinda ruined the song.
Fallon:Jimmy talks about how during the video blogs they did before the show began Jimmy said while showing off a model of the stage that the trapdoor in the stage is for when Triple H is here and he comes out with smoke and such.Jimmy does captions on what people are saying in political pictures.After Jimmy sends to commercial the show comes back weirdly and Jimmy is talking about the features of a new phone.Cell phone shootout has a guy win the hdtv, the other nothing at all and another a high five from Jimmy.Munkus gives out the donuts that the audience could have won and does a little dance to the music.Ashton Kutcher talks about tech and twitter.Then he and Jimmy compete in skeeball and Jimmy wins so Ashton had to tweet that he lost.Triple H does come out of the trapdoor and The Roots perform his entrance song.He talks about Summerslam, says people who tweet are twats and shows a video of Jimmy in the WWE video game getting beaten by Triple H.Bats for Lashes performs.
Ferguson: Michael Caine in Spain.Betty White comes out as a prison guard and talks to Craig about it.Author Mitch Albom.Bonnie Raitt and Taj Mahal perform.
