Friday July 31st Late Night Talk Show Recap

Real Time: The white cop tells Gates to move out of his seat in the bar then bartender Barack serves them Barack beer that eases the racial tension. A republican wrote a book about how Obama has been a failure so Bill has more fake books including Glenn Beck’s Painting with Poop. New Rules: People are stupid if they need a study to tell them texting while driving is bad, guy who had sex with a horse shouldn’t have used the same horse, give us news when a baseball player isn’t on steroids, Madonna should stop working her arms out, don’t think you see Jesus in your dog’s butt, the people who don’t believe Obama was born here are morons. Then Bill goes on to talk about those people.

Conan: Canary fighting ring has two guys throwing canaries at each other. Fake Max runs away from cops in Europe and the gets tased. Kiss Cam has a guy kissing a moustached lady, black guy kissing a cop and a Harry Potter fan kissing the air. Andy and the black guy from the band have a beer summit and the rest of the band joins. Twitter Tracker has Conan write his first tweet calling it Twitter Virgin / Twitter Ho about what he ate for dinner. Hank Azaria does some of his Simpsons voices, talks about ones that Jerry Lewis and George Takei used to do, talks about his baby and shows Conan some other weird stuff he does. Man vs. Food’s Adam Richman talks about all the huge food he eats for the show and Conan has a lot of them there. Ben Harper and Relentless 7 performs, I guess they had to cheat on Carson since he’s in repeats now.

Letterman: Liberty has been stolen and only the base remains. Video of David Alexrod on a show saying a lot of “uh”s. Dave talks about that doctor’s weight loss book again then weighs the stagehand like he had been doing a few months ago. Top 10 signs you’re in a bad resort: #1: “Now in the main showroom – Regis.” Regis talks about his friendship or lack thereof with Dave, his fixed sleeping problem, throwing out the pitch at a baseball game, how Broadway is ruined by the pedestrian walkways, wants to sit on the marquee with Dave smoking cigars discussing the show like on Boston Legal and talks about Millionaire. Regis says they had the world’s oldest dog on the show today so Dave says “didn’t you used to work with the world’s oldest dog?” Ohhh snap. Comic Ted Alexandro. Dave Matthews Band performs.

Fallon: Since Sandler is here Jimmy talks about how he did a Sandler impression for his SNL audition and while everyone said Lorne Michaels doesn't laugh, he did for when Jimmy did it. Jimmy writes thank you letters to people and things in current events. Rush Limbaugh Karaoke has audience members singing actual things said by Rush. Such a pointless segment, but the best part was Munkus! I forgot to mention Munkus the night Jimmy did dance your hat and gloves off, but he is an NBC page who’s named Munkus and stands around looking out of it. Adam Sandler talks about his kid and Funny People. Jimmy Buffet talks about flying here and his new album. Then he performs with The Roots.

Ferguson: Sean Connery in a bunch of TV shows. The Rather Late Programme with Prince Charles had the midget play a Jonas Brother. Craig flamenco dances with Saffron Burrows then they keep talking even when they’re out of time, I think they had a thing for each other.

Thursday July 30th Late Night Talk Show Recap

Daily Show: People are afraid that universal healthcare is going to ruin theirs. John Hodgman comments on it. News networks discuss the beer the black professor, the cop and Obama drank. Jon and Wyatt recreate the gathering in a bar and go through a wide range of emotions. Judd Apatow talks about Funny People, being a jew like John, masturbating to one of John’s interviews and being bumped off the Time cover for Obama. Moment of Zen: clips from an episode of Mangum P.I. where he is in Hawaii looking for someone’s birth certificate.

Conan: The black professor’s and the cop’s wife fight in the white house. Conan talks to the fake mayor of Oklahoma City who says they have jobs that include being homeless, a thief and a hooker. Then Conan talks to a fake inmate who talked to Bernie Madoff and what he says about him sounds sexual. Googling with the stars has celebrities googling funny things related to themselves. Professional knife thrower Jack Dagger teaches Conan how to throw knifes then he tries to cut a cucumber sitting on wax Fonzie’s arm, but hits him a few times before getting it. Paul Giammati talks about the presidents and his new movie. Regina Spektor performs.

Letterman: They show a clip of young girls screaming in the audience when Dave mentions Ben Bernanke. Obama talking in a supermarket is interrupted by the voice of the speaker. Obama, the professor and the cop will star in The Hangover 2. Dave gives a guy in the audience pie. Dave says his sickness is gone and tells us that it was a tick borne sickness and shows pictures of how it infects. A guy in the audience asks Dave if the show is a rerun and when Dave says well you are here now then they show a clip of the guy at home watching it. Top 10 things overheard at the White House beer summit. Adam Sandler talks about making love to his wife, his kids and Funny People. Cage the Elephant performs.

Fallon: Miles comes out dressed as Toppy the Topical Newspaper to tell bad jokes then gets into a knife fight with Jimmy where Jimmy kills him. Audience members compete in a drum challenge, this bit is such a waste. Ashley Tisdale talks about being discovered in a mall at the age of 3, her family being infomercial stars, her new CD and Aliens in the Attic. Tim Meadows comes out with the top of his head bald saying it is the next big look then says it was for a movie so Jimmy shaves it off. Then Tim Meadows talks about doing comedy and moments on SNL. Jarvis Cocker performs.

Ferguson: The show starts off with about a dozen young women standing on the stage and Craig says he isn’t being chauvinistic. Then after the monologue he brings one guy on the stage to balance things out. James Spader and Craig try to fit oranges in his snake mug because an email asked that. He goes on to talk and talk and Rose Byrne had to be bumped off the show, but she’ll be on next week!

Thursday July 30th DaytimeTalk Show Recap

Regis: Anderson Cooper is the guest host again and talks about the reactions he has gotten from both him talking about his speech problem and from him asking Jillian how many guys she slept with on the show. Then him and Kelly talk about a bunch of other current events. They show a clip of when Kelly had to kiss Regis for a bit on the show. Amy Adams talks about being engaged and preparing for the Julia Childs movie. Leslie Mann talks about Judd and the movie. This episode's dog was able to count and do math problems with his paw.

Wednesday July 29th Late Night Talk Show Recap

Daily Show: The right have problems with Obama and Jon talks smack about them. John Oliver video package of him reporting on Timothy Geitner who can’t sell his home because he’s ruining the economy so John visits a bunch of realtors to try and sell it. The guest talks about Iran.

Conan: A beer that helps ease racial tension between cops and blacks. William Shatner is back, this time reading Palin’s tweets as if they were a poem. Conan goes homeshopping with Jordan Schlansky making fun of him the whole time. Rainn Wilson talks about the hierarchy of nerds and being in the model UN with barely any girls. Then about women and his kid. Rachel Maddow. Chicago performs.

Letterman: Liberty with a thumb out holding a sign hitchhiking to the Hamptons. A guy is reporting on the swine flu virus then coughs. Dave talks about his fever again. Dave says he’s excited about Amy Adams being here then shows a video of himself earlier in the day with him talking to that lady producer. Amy Adams talks about being in Ireland and preparing for her Julia Childs movie. Tim Dreeson. No time for the band Elbow.

Fallon: Head Swap song turns into Jimmy having to go meet a staffer’s family dressed as a woman. Dance your hat and gloves off has audience members competing to do just that. Leslie Mann talks about doing acting school with the lead singer of The Roots, her husband Judd Apatow and filming Funny People. The guy who created Woodstock talks about the event. Passion Pit performs.

Ferguson: The shark wins the puppet popularity contest and nothing special happens, no budget I guess. Toni Collette. Rodney Carrington performs then talks to Craig. Michael Cain’s Animal Kingdom.

Wednesday July 29th Daytime Talk Show Recap

Regis: Anderson Cooper makes Kelly spill her coffee from laughing and talks about what he's been up to this summer. He asks Jillian the Bachelorette how many of the guys she has slept with. The ugliest dog was one with an underbite.

View: Rose Byrne and Hugh Dancy talk pretty much exclusively about the movie and it being about Asperbergers syndrome. Ashley Tisdale performs then talks for a few minutes about her change in attitude and her new movie.

Tuesday July 28th Late Night Talk Show Recap

Daily Show: Jon talks about the black professor who was arrested and Obama’s reaction to it. Then Larry Wilmore reports on it saying the guy had been waiting to be oppressed his whole life after talking about it for so long and how his black side came out during the arrest. John talks about the corruption scandal in New Jersey and how all the news shows said it wasn’t too surprising coming out of NJ. Then John tries to sell a kidney. Spinal Tap performs then talks to Jon for a minute or two. I hate when there are performances on this show and Colbert.

Conan: 911 call has the operator asking the woman questions with stuff white people like to do to try and figure out the race of the person. Dog hands are raised to ask questions during a Michael Vick conference. Mr. Met bats out the windows of a guy’s car. Conan talks about the black professor and the black band member has an internal monologue about Conan being so white. Conan has a dog do tricks for the back section of the audience. Andy tries out that flying wind tunnel thing, then makes wax Tom Cruise do it and his head comes off. Heidi Klum talks about being pregnant, her kids, singing lullabies, has Conan sing one and Project Runway. Also Conan showed her Barbie doll then a Fake Conan doll and Seal doll. Steve Zahn talks about his farm and his new movie. Comic Jimmy Carr does standup.

Letterman: Libery is fat, wearing an ugly dress and holding hamburger helper. Same video of the criminal monkey riding his getaway dog. Since commissioner is letting Micheal Vick return he’ll let OJ Simpson return too. Dave talks about being sick. Men and their Vegetables II is coming and the promo says it was more watched than the Super Bowl. Small Town News, nothing good. Katie Couric talks about the flu, Walter Konkrite, the black professor and tells an MJ story. Silversun Pickups perform.

Fallon: Jimmy slowjams the news about a poll then Diddy comes and joins him. Jimmy shows off Bromance novels where he reads the description that sounds sexual, but its just normal guy acts. One of them was a popup book with one bro giving another the Heimlich and the chicken wing coming out. Jimmy goes down the secret trap in the stage to find Diddy in a club down there. Diddy talks about his music. Marisa Jaret Winokur talks about Dance your ass off and dances with Jimmy. Top Chef host Tom Colicchio competes with Jimmy to create the best Panini in 60 seconds, then Higgins, Marisa and the tuba player judge them.

Ferguson: Christiane Amanpour. Johnny Galecki talks about Big Bang Theory, going to comicon and not being a geek.

Tuesday July 28th Daytime Talk Show Recap

Bonnie: A new episode of Bonnie today amid repeats all summer for some strange reason. Kevin Pollack. A 7 year old entrepreneur. Shenea Grimes talks about getting her start in acting, working on 90210 and getting a tattoo when she was 16. Animals.

Monday July 20th Late Night Talk Show Recap + Alexa

Daily Show: Palin discusses her resignation and attacks people. CNN uses twitter for responses and reads one that calls her an idiot. Jason Jones talks to people at Palin’s speech and then yells at the media after Palin condemns them. Bobby Jindal hated the federal stimulus money now recently gave some to his constituents. Bill Crystal argues with Jon about Palin and talks about healthcare.

Conan: NBC got failing grades for not having any gay characters so a video runs saying minor characters as being gay including La Bamba. A shark eats a guy during a newscast. Clips of Palin talking about nonsense during her speech so Conan has William Shatner recite it like a poem. Celebrity Survey: just like last time it wasn’t good. Meryl Streep talks about playing Julie Childs and plays the accordion for Conan. Judd Apatow talks about his wife kissing Adam Sandler in the movie. The Fray performs.

Letterman: Liberty has a dress on and cleavage. Dog riding a bike is the first to win the Tour de France. Bush dancing with African people video. Dave tells a story about being in his treehouse with his son then it started thundering. Dave takes his temperature and its 100. Top 10 things that went through Mark Buehrle’s mind during his perfect game. Eric Bana talks about his family, a car, and his new movie. Dave Matthews talks, then the band performs.

Fallon: Video of Jimmy at ComicCon trying to propose his new character, the Recharger, to a bunch of comic book guys including Jon Favreau and Stan Lee, then dresses up as the character and talks to other people such as the cast of Lost and Joss Whedon. A recap of 7th Floor West including new footage where Jimmy tells the story to someone. Holly Hunter talks about her show and Jimmy does an impression of her southern voice. Photographer Mark Seliger talks about some of the jobs he has done and photos taken. Then he takes a bunch of photos of Jimmy with the entire audience. Spinal Tap performs and then Jimmy talks to him for a minute.

Ferguson: The pig puppet opens the show saying he’s resigning from the puppet race. Michael Caine’s Animal Kingdom has him talking about a woman actually being a man. Chelsea Handler, author Richard Wolffe and Gavin DeGraw performs.

Alexa: Diddy talks about his new show. Video of Will Arnett doing the speedwalk around the office challenge. Jamie Lynn Sigler talks about Entourage.

Friday July 24th Late Night Talk Show Recap

Real time: Video to protect your home from black intellectuals. Ronald Reagan released a record where he talks against socialized medicine so Bill made ones where he talks against seatbelts, color TV making kids gay and clitoral stimulation. New rules: John McCain was Running with Empty (Palin). Don’t be surprised that Emma Watson is hot. No more creepy kid movies, they’re why Bill never had any kids. MJ’s fear of Joe Jackson wasn’t irrational. Not everyone in history were gay. Not everything in America has to make a profit especially health care. Bill goes on to talk about how health care shouldn’t need a profit and about the news sucking.

Conan: Max in Europe: getting beaten by police. Video of guy dressed as Dumbledore drunk and pissing off people. Conan and Andy go to an anime studio to do voices for an anime and they joke around with the lines a lot. Seth Rogen talks about dealing with cops when he was young, adjusting to fame, random other topics and Funny People. Rose Byrne talks about turning 30, a picture from her party with her dancing wild being put on facebook, and having a tiny role in Star Wars. Eric Hutchinson performs.

Letterman: Madoff countdown is back! Liberty with a muscular body in a bikini. Snow dogs pull a u-haul. Alaska’s new governor had held fire Merv Griffin rallies. A rat walks across the moon again. It’s finally here, men and their vegetables, and it sucked. In the middle of it a staff member gave Dave a note saying “someone in the audience vomited on the line in front of everyone” and Dave wonders why he needs to know and why now, pretty funny. Top 10 things overheard at Sarah Palin’s farewell party. Amy Poehler talks about her new baby and meeting Obama. Dave shows a picture of him with a giant radish then Joe Grossman comes in to say he’s sorry he vomited. Comic Nick Griffin does standup. Judy Collins performs.

Fallon: Jimmy writes thank you letters to people involved in current events. Jimmy and old supermodel Carol Alt do a fitness video using the huge health bill. Bob Saget talks about John Stamos, Don Rickles and shows a video where he runs down a bunch of people while talking on the cell phone. Anthony Mackie. Comic John Mulaney does standup and makes rape and crime funny, he was pretty good.

Ferguson: Rashida Jones talks with Craig a lot about gays and Europeans, her trip and Craig does the interview sitting next to her on the other sofa. Chef Jose Andres. Comic Jim Breur does standup.

Thursday July 23rd Late Night Talk Show Recap

Daily Show: People think the health care reform plan is too complicated to get care. Obama chimes in, but also calls what happened to that black professor “stupid” so that’s all the media focuses on. A fighter jet is being decommissioned and guns are legal across state lines. The guest talks about the Civil War. Jon checks in with Stephen but he messes up.

Conan: Gidget the Taco Bell dog dies and they mashup people talking about Jackson’s death making believe it is about Gidget. Conan answers Andy’s hard questions about the LA Dodgers. Tommy Lasorta comes out and yells at them. Conan’s Tabloid Moment: has him kicking a baby while holding a beer. Picture of Laurel and Hardy carjacking someone at the Staples Center is in the mural on top of the set. Conan talks to a fake representative from the NRA. Zach Galafanakis talks about the success of The Hangover, some stunts he did for it, his new fame and G-force. Keke Palmer. Jason Aldean performs.

Letterman: Guy sells raccoon hot dogs on the street including raccoon fur and innards and the guy eats it. Osama’s twins go skiing holding up a camel. Liberty wearing a cast. NJ politicians will go back to doing what they do best, gay sex. A bunch of funny phrases from Obama’s conference including big bang, getting hammered, donut hole. Top 10 surprises at the Obama press conference. Diddy talks about his acting career, his parties, his work against Malaria, his time with MJ and his cologne. Vera Farmigia. Ginuwine with Missy Elliot performs.

Fallon: Real Animals with Fake Hands was two dogs having dinner at a restaurant together. Facebook statuses for audience members. Kevin Nealon talks about a wide array of topics including SNL and shows a clip of him from the celebrity golf tournament. Demi Lovato talks about liking metal music then her and Jimmy make a youtube video together and sing a metal version of Barney on it. Animal expert shows off small animals and an alligator.

Ferguson: More puppet results. Cheryl Hines. Author Ben Mezrich.

Thursday July 23rd Daytime Talk Show Recap

View: Demi Lovato talks about starting her career with Camp Rock, her Disney show, being bullied in school and her sister being Edie's daughter on Housewives. Then she performs.

Alexa: Emmanuelle Chriqui is given food just like she did on Fallon, weird and talks about Entourage.

Thursday July 22th Late Night Talk Show Recap

Daily Show: News networks go crazy accusing Obama of not being born in America even after it’s been proven he was. Good Morning America runs a story only about Michael Jackson being in a cemetery and other stupid comments. Kevin Nealon talks about Weeds.

Conan: Video of Conan getting peeped on through a hole was a naked male with big red hair and a good body. The Real Parts of the Real Housewives of New Jersey takes away the fake parts. Ad gives Arnold’s cell number, AIM and address. Getting to know the replacement for James Wontworth, he gets interrupted by the promo when he starts going on too long. In the year 3000 with Andy, no good jokes. James Spader. Jack McBrayer talks about 30 Rock, the rest of the cast, his big smile and getting his start on Conan’s show. Matt Kearney performs.

Letterman: Liberty wears jeans and sandals. Amy Winehouse is appointed by Obama as the new drug czar. Monkey escaped on a getaway dog. Another promo for Men and their Vegetables this Friday. Top 10 questions on the surgeon general application. Tracy Morgan talks about 30 Rock’s and his Emmy nominations, working with Bruce Willis in a new movie, the fire in his home and his new yellow Lamborghini. Alan Kalter does an announcement about a local television station and gets interrupted by a guy telling him to shutup and beats him up. Leslie Mann talks about life with her husband Judd Apatow, their kids and their movies. Diane Birch performs.

Fallon: Jimmy plays the harmonica with Jimmy Popper sitting in with The Roots. Obama facial reactions with captions turns into him going on about the video game Bubble Bobble. Hot dog in a hole where audience members try to throw hot dogs into the mouths of big cardboard cutouts of John and Kate Gossellin plus a combo of both of John’s ladies. Fred Armisen shows a video of his trip over here and a clip of him with Kristen Wiig where he keeps hurting himself with objects in a hardware store for no reason. He talks about his engagement to Elizabeth Moss, watching John Adams, does Beatles impressions and sings a song. The Mighty Boosh talks about their comedy and sings two short nonsensical songs. Everything on Adult Swim is such garbage. Flo Rida performs.

Ferguson: Tom Lennon talks about The State. Kelly Rowland. Jim Breuer does standup.

Wednesday July 21st Late Night Talk Show Recap

Daily Show: Jon puts his face in a pie. Congress discusses green methods and they screw up. The Secretary of Energy is the guest and discusses conservation and global warming. Then a segment after the guest, wow, Wyatt Cenac interviews the creators of Pull My Finger and iFart iPhone apps about their legal battle.

Conan: Hillary grows 4 more arms at an Indian conference. Snake in a Happy Meal. Conan does a bit for the Universal tour tram where he was a preacher healing a crippled Andy. Conan talks about a Kodak camera and then words come up saying it’s an ad along with other jokes. Then he shows photoshopped pictures he took with the camera during a day on the beach where a lot of funny and crazy things happened. Jonah Hill talks about antics on the set of a movie with Russell Brand including singing and P Diddy. Then he talks about the foreign press and sucking at doing standup for Funny People. Cheryl Hines talks about her family in town and auditions for When Animals Attack. Dan Naturman does standup.

Letterman: Liberty wearing a yellow raincoat. No Madoff countdown finally!, or I just fast forwarded too fast. Mitt Romney is tied with Obama, but after airing his “who let the dogs out” clip, he’s losing again. The Pope talks about Potter and he is able to turn his friend into an owl. A promo runs saying this friday Dave presents Men and their Vegetables. Top 10 surprising facts about Stewart Cink, winner of the Golf Open presented by Stewart. Kevin Spacey talks twitter with Dave among other topics and does an impression of Johnny Carson, at least he didn’t take over the desk like he usually does on talk shows. Jesse James talks about causing trouble as a kid, his kids and Dave shows pics of the crazy stunts on his show. The Flatlanders perform.

Fallon: Beef Solvers: Paula Abdul solves her contract beef with Simon, Randy, Kara and Ryan. Let us play with your look with Alec Baldwin overdoing powder on a girl’s face. Jimmy did this bit with Will Ferrell before and its where both are dressed in white costumes while Jimmy sings the title increasingly strong until he falls down. Alec Baldwin talks about the bit, 30 Rock’s emmys, Jimmy on SNL and does a Tracy Morgan impersonation. He talked to him forever it felt like. Then they box together with huge boxing gloves. Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter talk about Black having the second couch, their starts in comedy, The State and their new show. Then they fight and go offscreen for stuntmen to finish it. Jordin Sparks performs.

Ferguson: Gerard Butler talks to Craig about the two movies they worked on. Author Jackie Collins talked about the character in her book based on Craig.

Monday July 20th Late Night Talk Show Recap

Daily Show: Anniversary of the moon landing, but we haven’t been back since. All the news networks want Gov. Sanford and would frame his story how he wants. Jason Jones sent him some texts and emails as well. Lewis Black yells about people who oppose government health care. Brian Williams is asked about how they get Sanford and other big guests, then about Cronkite.

Conan: Moon landing footage was recorded over by Mr. T singing. Dog with fake hands shows proper airline safety. Andy makes a slimjim with bad ingredients and putting it in a car that goes off a cliff. Conan talks to Jordan Schlansky!! about finding an apartment and ends up calling him gay. Wasn’t as great as the original ones, but at least it’s back and maybe they’ll do some more, it certainly was funnier than all the other crap Conan has been doing. Adam Sandler talks about running from restaurants when he was young, making prank phone calls on SNL, and Funny People. Peter Sarsgaard. Kate Voegelle performs, she looks different than how she did on One Tree Hill a year ago, maybe she got some work done.

Letterman: Liberty has sunscreen on her nose and then a space helmet. Madoff countdown. Same Potter memory clip with an exercising Regis. Cat walking on the moon. Dave says he was going to do “Men and their vegetables”, but I guess he talked too long. Top 10 surprises on the NASA moon landing tape. Katherine Heigl talks about her character on Grey’s Anatomy, her new dog, and her new movie. Alan Kalter eats charcoal, for some reason I find these bits stupidity hilarious. Comic Jeff Altman. Spinnerette performs.

Fallon: Jimmy gives a cue card with a bad joke on it to someone in the audience like he usually does but I never write about except this time the old lady who got it was unusually excited about it. Iphone Apps: Apps App shows pics of appetizers, Paul Reizer hatches, Drunkify turns your texts into drunk ones, Reiserfy sends it to Paul Resier, Argument Identifier and NBC promo jukebox with real corny NBC promo tunes. Then Jimmy sings it with The Roots. 7th Floor West: Jimmy tries to ask Higgins for advice, then confronts Miles about the photocopying and his assistant shows up then sides with Miles. Will Arnett comes out to The Final Countdown and talks about a trip, his wife Amy Poehler and G-Force. He reads with a deep voice from “Are you there God? It’s me Margaret” about growing breasts. Then he and Jimmy compete to pack groceries into a packed refrigerator the best. Emanuele Chriqui talks about being Canadian, Entourage and Jimmy has a big basket of Canadian snacks for her that they share. Tom Jones performs a pretty good song.

Ferguson: Paris Hilton opens the show saying this is a tribute to NASA’s landing on the moon, which leads to another lip synch performance to a space song with the other people besides Craig dressed in aluminum. The puppet contest is narrowed down to 5 including Mahmoud “Ahmedinnajacket” and the pig is winning. Margaret Cho, author Michael Lewis and Eric Church performs.

Monday July 20th Daytime Talk Show Recap

Alexa: Will Arnett talks about his fake facebook and twitter messages, life with Amy Poehler and the new kid, then plays Facebook Truth or Dare. Alexa Vega talks about her boobs falling out during high school orientation and plays Alexa or Alexa where audience members try to guess which Alexa certain facts are about.

Wendy Williams: Jimmy Fallon talks about his show, his wife, beating Tiger Woods on Wii and meeting Obama.