Friday July 31st Late Night Talk Show Recap

Real Time: The white cop tells Gates to move out of his seat in the bar then bartender Barack serves them Barack beer that eases the racial tension. A republican wrote a book about how Obama has been a failure so Bill has more fake books including Glenn Beck’s Painting with Poop. New Rules: People are stupid if they need a study to tell them texting while driving is bad, guy who had sex with a horse shouldn’t have used the same horse, give us news when a baseball player isn’t on steroids, Madonna should stop working her arms out, don’t think you see Jesus in your dog’s butt, the people who don’t believe Obama was born here are morons. Then Bill goes on to talk about those people.

Conan: Canary fighting ring has two guys throwing canaries at each other. Fake Max runs away from cops in Europe and the gets tased. Kiss Cam has a guy kissing a moustached lady, black guy kissing a cop and a Harry Potter fan kissing the air. Andy and the black guy from the band have a beer summit and the rest of the band joins. Twitter Tracker has Conan write his first tweet calling it Twitter Virgin / Twitter Ho about what he ate for dinner. Hank Azaria does some of his Simpsons voices, talks about ones that Jerry Lewis and George Takei used to do, talks about his baby and shows Conan some other weird stuff he does. Man vs. Food’s Adam Richman talks about all the huge food he eats for the show and Conan has a lot of them there. Ben Harper and Relentless 7 performs, I guess they had to cheat on Carson since he’s in repeats now.

Letterman: Liberty has been stolen and only the base remains. Video of David Alexrod on a show saying a lot of “uh”s. Dave talks about that doctor’s weight loss book again then weighs the stagehand like he had been doing a few months ago. Top 10 signs you’re in a bad resort: #1: “Now in the main showroom – Regis.” Regis talks about his friendship or lack thereof with Dave, his fixed sleeping problem, throwing out the pitch at a baseball game, how Broadway is ruined by the pedestrian walkways, wants to sit on the marquee with Dave smoking cigars discussing the show like on Boston Legal and talks about Millionaire. Regis says they had the world’s oldest dog on the show today so Dave says “didn’t you used to work with the world’s oldest dog?” Ohhh snap. Comic Ted Alexandro. Dave Matthews Band performs.

Fallon: Since Sandler is here Jimmy talks about how he did a Sandler impression for his SNL audition and while everyone said Lorne Michaels doesn't laugh, he did for when Jimmy did it. Jimmy writes thank you letters to people and things in current events. Rush Limbaugh Karaoke has audience members singing actual things said by Rush. Such a pointless segment, but the best part was Munkus! I forgot to mention Munkus the night Jimmy did dance your hat and gloves off, but he is an NBC page who’s named Munkus and stands around looking out of it. Adam Sandler talks about his kid and Funny People. Jimmy Buffet talks about flying here and his new album. Then he performs with The Roots.

Ferguson: Sean Connery in a bunch of TV shows. The Rather Late Programme with Prince Charles had the midget play a Jonas Brother. Craig flamenco dances with Saffron Burrows then they keep talking even when they’re out of time, I think they had a thing for each other.