Letterman: Obama wears a swine flu mask while giving his speech and his voice is muffled. Madoff countdown. Cheney center is a dungeon and the guitarist does the screeching voice. Guy comes on the screen vacuuming during the Republican response. Dave talks about getting a spam email about penis enlargement. A guy passes by the camera and it’s the guy who lives in the closet next to the audience and he wants someone from the staff to get him food for his football party. Top 10 Joe Wilson excuses. Matt Damon talks about a joke he pulled telling a foreign journalist that it is true that Clooney has a boyfriend and how some guy stripped naked for him because of it. Then he talks about fattening up for his role and does a Matthew McConnaughey voice for a guy in the audience. Alan Kalter brings the guy next door his snacks. Jack Hanna brings out a pelican, foxes, a weird turtle and a leopard.
Conan: This started an hour later on the east coast because of stupid football!!! A video of feminist pornography where the guy doesn’t mind that the woman eats to get fat and he rubs her feet instead of having sex. Casting for a football movie. Twitter Tracker has dancing birds, a bird swallowing a yo-yo and a tweet from Andy during the show which makes Conan mad. A couple who shoot crossbows at targets around each other. They talk about it and demonstrate it and teach Conan who shoots a huge target. The guy does one backwards looking through a mirror and the girl shoots one on top of his crotch while he is upside down. Dennis Quaid. Paolo Nutini performs.
Fallon: Jimmy has an audience member read a joke. Jimmy tries to tell a story about his wife but a guy in the audience keeps interrupting him saying “you lie” so Jimmy keeps telling different stories that are all lies. Dance your Hat and Gloves off. Tyler Perry talks about his new movie and then teaches Jimmy how to fly RC airplanes. Amber Tamblyn talks about her book. Mario Batali cooks with Jimmy and Amber.
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